Some people are just fearless. I’m not suggesting they don’t feel the fear but maybe they don’t feel it as much as the rest of us. Or maybe they just don’t give a flying fuck. One of my friends just quit her job so she could start a magazine. Just like that. She has no other magic job to go to that will pay the bills. And yes, she has a mortgage. And a fondness for nice shoes. I’m in awe.
I’m completely and utterly bound by fear of poverty. I couldn’t quit my job in the hope of future success. I need to know where my next paycheck is coming from. Frankly, my credit card bill and my mortgage would bury me otherwise. Is there some secret knowledge I’m missing out on that allows other people to do this sort of thing? Yeah, no credit card debt. And no car loan maybe? I don’t know. It’s not fear of failure that paralyses me, it’s fear of having to struggle to pay the bills. I hate money really. I have zero interest in it. What I do like, is not having to think about it ever. I’m terrified at the idea of returning to the days when it’s a constant struggle.
Are they all excuses for doing nothing? Is it actually just my nature to be fearful?
I can’t even commit to putting my real name on this blog for fear of being found out by potential employers. I’m not quite sure what it is they might find out but goddamit whatever it is, it must remain a secret! They might not hire me and pay me a nice salary if they knew. And we can’t have that can we? (Again, I will remind you that I actually don’t have anything to hide. Except perhaps a love of margaritas, expensive handbags and saying “fuck” a lot).
Is it time to face up to myself and follow suit?
Aarrgh! All hail Saffy cos she’s the bravest person I’ve ever met.
Filed under: Musing & Boozing | Tagged: money, whining, writing
The great Saffy responds to this and other enquiries: http://thisisnotpretty.blogspot.com.
Jus to clarify though, I didn’t quit to start a magazine. I quit to start loads of things which will almost certainly make me no money, a magazine being a mere one of them.
Also, I am not brave. I am chicken shit scared. The worst kind of chicken shit there is. But I’m faithfully chicken shit scared. I’m sure you are well aware of the difference.
I think this anonymous blog issue is disturbing. Since whn did employers have a right to have an opinion on our private lives!!!!! (Just so you know, I have my facebook profile set to private for the same bloody reason. bastards) haha
I cant put my real name on my blog either! You are not alone
I think that your fears are completely justified. People fear the unkwown. They like to know what is going to happen. I don’t think that you should let this fear get in the way of what you want though. If you want to do something, then do it. if you hate your job, quit. there are plenty of jobs out there. Life is short. Don’t waste it living in fear.