Genitals Are Hilariously Funny

If you are not from Sydney, you don’t know or care what FBi radio is.  So for you, we will resume normal transmission at a later date.

Dear FBi,

I want to love you, I do.  You’re more fresh than Triple J and well, I’m not 16 so you are definitely more suited to my demographic.  You’re certainly cooler, and way more “on the pulse”.  (Jesus Christ.  Let me never utter that phrase ever again).  You play a wider range of music than Triple J, which is interesting and challenging to my tastebuds.  You have everything going for you.

And yet I cannot commit to you.

I compare you to Triple J because frankly the rest are all bollocks and  I haven’t listened to anything else since I was 13.  When you launched I became a supporter and I started flicking over from time to time. But I can’t forsake my past and turn to the light. I have a few ties that bind you see.

• Marieke Hardy
  Really I love her.  I first read an article she wrote in Frankie where she described peeing her pants from laughing while on a date at 14 or something.  Not a cute little splash – a pant soaking drench.  From that moment, I was hooked. Her type of writing is my type of reading (and writing if I’m honest).  Then when she joined Triple J, well…  girl crush “to the max”.
• Robbie Buck
  I feel like I’ve grown up listening to Robbie.  And I don’t wanna leave him.
• Zan Rowe
  She does a good show.  It’s interesting, different stuff goes on every day and she’s got pretty good taste in music.  And most importantly, she is the only female DJ on Triple J that isn’t completely and utterly arse (I discount MH because she’s more about the words than the DJing).
• Your DJs
  They all seem to take themselves a little bit seriously, you know.  Like I am a “Music Lover” as evidenced by my presence her on a proper radio station.
• Your Fucking Irritating Sponsorship Announcements
  If I have to hear about Katy Welsh from Surry Hills who’s become a sponsor one more time, I’m going to take Katy out the back, shove a brandy-soaked dildo up her and set the goddam thing alight.  I don’t give a flying fuck who’s donated $8 to your station.  Get off your arse, stop looking for a hand out and get some more advertising dollars.
• Jay Katz and Miss Death.
  Just arse.  Nothing more.  Jay fucking irritating Katz.  Or Jamie smug movie guy whatever you name is.  Just arse I say!

I’m just saying… relax a little, don’t take yourself so seriously, don’t try and be wacky (Katz, you fucker) and no more sponsor-love ok?  About the rest, I don’t know what you can do about that.  Maybe you gotta spend money to make some, find a gem of a funny, relaxed brekky DJ and pay them decent dosh so they don’t leave you for the Jays?  I dunno.  Business development not my forte.

Feel free to ignore me and continue on as before.

Signed,

Someone who, frankly, can’t be arsed switching channels
xoxo